Humor

Diplomasi Ketawa: Presiden Terong

GUSYAHYA.ID – Malam itu, sidang terakhir KTT OKI di Doha, Qatar, berlangsung hingga agak larut. Sekitar jam 11 malam waktu setempat baru usai. Keluar ruang sidang, Presiden Abdurrahman Wahid kelihatan capai sekali. Padahal sepuluh menit lagi upacara penutupan.

“Aku nggak kuat lagi ini,” kata Presiden. “Aku mau langsung tidur saja. Biar Yahya yang nggantiin ikut penutupan!”

Semua orang melongo, tapi tak ada yang berani membantah.

Di ruang sidang saya bingung: hanya dua kursi tersedia, satu untuk Presiden, satunya lagi untuk Menteri Luar Negeri.

“Saya duduk di mana, Pak Alwi?”

“Ya di situ!” Pak Alwi Shihab menunjuk kursi Presiden.

“Itu ‘kan ada tagnya Presiden RI.. kita tukeran aja deh …,” saya merengek.

“Nggak bisa! Saya Menteri Luar Negeri. Harus duduk di kursi saya sendiri!”

Saya clingak-clinguk. Para Kepala Negara sudah duduk dengan anggunnya di singgasana masing-masing. Kecut hati saya. Pantat saya cuma kelas kendil. Mana pantas ditaruh di singgasana semulia itu?

“Perintah Presiden begitu, ya harus ta’at dong!” Pak Alwi mendesak.

Upacara hendak dimulai dan tak ada waktu untuk berdebat lagi. Saya terpaksa duduk dengan pantat yang minggrang-minggrang.

Di belakang podium utama yang megah, terpasang layar tivi real time (videotron, red-) sepenuh dinding.

Di tengah pidato penutupan oleh Raja Qatar, tiba-tiba tampang saya muncul di layar lebar itu! Dari shoot out, pelan-pelan mendekat sampai full-close up. Cukup lama saya dibegitukan—lebih dari tiga menit, saya kira…, atau satu abad—sehingga saya jengah luar biasa. Berusaha pasang muka serius, jadinya merengut. Maunya senyum, malah kelihatan nyengir! Sudah itu kamera pelan-pelan bergerak turun, ganti menyorot name-tag di meja saya: “President of The Republic of Indonesia!”

Saat itulah saya jadi mengerti. Rupanya Presiden sengaja merancang siasat pengamanannya sendiri. Kalau ada sniper mengincar, pasti akan bingung:

“Apakah Presiden Indonesia mlungsungi?”

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*Artikel ini dimuat ulang dari website teronggosong.id untuk keperluan informasi dan edukasi.

Yahya Cholil Staquf

Ketua Umum Pengurus Besar Nahdlatul Ulama (PBNU)

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